Ramblings of a modern druidess

Fear. It’s the most destructive emotion we have I think, with maybe despair at one side and complete numbness on the other side as our top number one. Most people will answer with ‘hate’, when asked, but I disagree. Behind hate is almost always fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of losing things, fear of change, fear of not understanding the other. Hate in its purest form is all consuming, mainly for the ‘hater’, if you will. The ‘hated person’ will undoubtedly feel some of the effects, negative thoughts are never to be underestimated, but chances are pretty good the hater will self-destruct before he or she can do any real damage to the other.

But fear works differently. It sneaks up on you and suddenly collapses. Fear can be rational (confronted with a pissed off tiger or after a car accident when you smell gasoline for example), but mostly it’s irrational. Why do we feel threatened by people we don’t even know? Why are we afraid of things that go bump in the night? How many of us have actually seen the ‘bump in the night’? Yes, some of you. I know and you have my sympathies, but frankly, by now you will either be dead or know how to defeat it, there aren’t many more flavours to this particular problem.

I often try that game of ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’ And then see it through to the end, with all the little details. It helps, when I have time to think about it. When confronted in the moment though, it works differently. Sometimes I can manage the ‘mind over matter’ principle, but sometimes I just can’t. Which results in different scenario’s.

Me confronted with a big spider usually ends up with me either paralyzed on the spot, keeping on eye on said spider or when it’s too close, me leaving the building, probably screaming, hopefully clothed ๐Ÿ˜‰

Sometimes you meet a person who triggers all your senses. This might be in a good way, it might be in a bad way. Being rather high-sensitive I tend to ‘fear’ these people. Not because I don’t want to get to know them, I probably do. But this is when I let fear take over and it’s not a pretty sight. I will shut you out, completely and you’ll probably be left behind with a feeling I utterly dislike you. Let me tell you now, I do not. I sense your potential of getting close to me and my life and that triggers my fear. Because I have no room for that. Or so I tell myself. The reasoning behind it might be rational, the act itself is not. And this is the tricky part, even though I know fear is taking over, I can’t shut if off, isn’t that interesting?

It’s like the spider. Here and now I can tell you about its usefulness, that most species aren’t venomous and even if they are, very few will kill you. So I might get bitten, leaving me with an aching spot and maybe a fever. That’s inconvenient, sure, but hardly the stuff nightmares are made of, right?

My point is, fear, most of the times, isn’t rational and there’s the rub. The best I can hope for, is to ‘handle’ it. Making me in control of the situation and not let it control me. Sometimes that means walking away, not confronting it. Sometimes it means toughening up or softening up. How do you handle your fear?

Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Oh, and one more thing. Sometimes, my treating you like a git, is just because I think you’re a git. Not everything is about ulterior motives, sorry ๐Ÿ˜‰

Until next week peeps!

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